I

Sometimes I think I want this smell to linger on me forever. In context, this though is so absurd that I must laugh. Maybe that is why I do it. Maybe that is why it is so absurdly beautiful to me. "Before it had a name"--that is the phrase of interest.

II

Every time I try to use words like 'health,' 'normal,' or 'truth,' something goes wrong. Something bitters in their speaking--or yelling, as I sometimes do before I can remember not-to-do. I think I will stop trying to use them, as if they are things that existed in this world.

III

There are many songs in my Grooveshark I no longer listen to, or cannot, at least, without infecting the organs with a certain strangeness. In Morel, the recording of his hand cost the criminal his original limb; perhaps, unintentionally, I have left too much beat in another sort of beat, and now the sound, played over, confuses and confounds the original.

The point of interest for me is that this has never happened with a classical piece. It is only songs of vox that confound the fox.

Or dog.

IV

It is not that it is any better here than there; it is just that...that my dreams are fuller. What is a zombie there is allowed to be a vampire, or a ghost--something whole--here. There are dreams that are so pleasant that one wakes unsatisfied; there are dreams so terrible that to wake is pleasure. And there are, between these, leaning toward the first, dreams that are quite impossibly pleasurable by every rule of the waking world (that is, the same arrangement of artifacts would not evoke the same response), so that one wakes with a strange, concave satisfaction--the knowledge that these are the closest one will come to living such things, and so one may count them as close to living as they should like, and it is no trouble at all if you are the only one to believe in whatever distance is chosen. I am not afraid to let these things live on. Not at all.

V

I am a competitor. I am a sore looser. I am sick of my lack of critical rigor lately. SLUGGISH FIRE ROOT: I have grown old and young again and am determined now to do everything by your hungry laws. I am sick of stupid shit and I want a godfucking drink.