Dizzy Punch Station

I forget and alter indiscriminately.

But there are certain things I want to remember, perfectly, as they first were, very badly.
If all my memories are sleeping, then these are the ones that mumble in their sleep and grind up their teeth.
"Me, me, choose me, choose me, wake me wake me wake me.." I don't know what they're saying, but sometimes, I think this is what they are saying.

A phone face up on the bed
I may have been the only person in the entire world to have seen this.
I was falling asleep when I remembered this.
I groaned and dragged my head under the sheets when I remembered this.
God, what a way to live.
And I don't have sheets. I have blankets. Fuck sheets.

C e l o s i a
I killed her and then I killed another to forget her.

"I'm sorry babe. Please forgive me. Not now--someday, though, please, if you can. Say good luck, because where I go you can't follow. Not yet, not yet, babe--but someday, if you wait a bit, if you can, go ahead and come after me. Take the roads I took. Do what I've done. Come with me. But not yet. It's my turn, first, babe. Gotta test these fires. See what can be made of them. In them. See if..if any of this is real."


I..I don't even know how to express how good I feel right now. Not yet-not yet-no, not enough-more-still, but--I am where I am and should be and the skin is right and I hide my face in my fur not because I am ashamed (though I've certainly had my share of that) but to hide the satisfied color of my cheeks.
But I am not satisfied. And...this satisfies me. Does that make sense?
It is like being in love with movement instead of the places one moves upon.

Kiss the train upon the tracks Coal cruncher turns and hacks a smile
Up
From his love black'd lungs

I tire
I smile


I do not ever want everything, and I do not often want much. It..it is just occasionally that I want the sun. And that is just one thing, but a very large thing, and one I really have no right to lay claim on. And it is frustrating when around me are..are many people and many things, but..but if I could just have this one thing-
But I forget that it is not just one thing; it is the sun. It is the sun.

"Camparunerra!"
Campanella made blue cat cry. I..I can't forgive that. He thought it would make his mum truly happy. And..and in theory, it would. But that's not how it works. What is done cannot be undone so easily; he was loved. He was loved. He was loved.

"Mitae, mitae, Camparunerra!"