People as Places

I do not always want to talk.

Do you want to talk? I'm sorry. I could, then, but I'd talk crap. You could talk. I like listening. I like hearing you talk.

I want to be around certain people sometimes, because I'm comfortable around them. Moreso than myself, sometimes, if that makes any sense. Comfort? This...it's not sleeping. It's falling asleep, maybe. It takes over every limb and makes the skin comfortable.

I...I feel selfish when I make places of people. I am aware that I am asking too much and giving too little in return. I-

When I was riding the bus home on Thursday, it was already getting dark out. They turned the lights out in the bus. I sat in the front. The only other passenger I could see was the woman sitting across the isle from me. She had dark hair and held a blanket around her shoulders. When we stopped at Mt. Vernon, the driver got up to let on more passengers. He was a very old man. He put his hand on her arm and shook it lightly. It is...how do I describe this? A steadying kind of shake. The kind of gesture you give to someone coming from or going into a hurricane. I don't think she knew where she was going, because she asked a few times. "Don't worry; I'll let you know when to

get off." She slept for most of the bus ride.

should be...be more of myself. More human. More social. More something, in order to complete the exchange.

Comfort and guilt make my cheeks warm.

But I am so fond of these places, these people, sometimes, I do not know how to-how to-

Ask me to be robot, flora, fauna--ask me to be the walls themselves. Only let-

This is one of my favoritest things evar.

These are not the kinds of things one says. Not this way, at least.

I regret; but that is expected. I cannot help the taste dead words leave on my tongue. A wry little part of me feels cheated. Not cheated--that has a different connotation. Feels as if a player has cheated. But I do not regret my regret. I am moving on. This is something new I have grown. I am fond of it.

My legs, still, are out by the porch. Any who wanders by will see them there.

I thought I heard my name; but it's been awhile. I might've mistaken the sound. I am always seeing myself in pools or puddles of water. The vain need very little encouraging.