I cannot tell if it's common sense or weakness that keeps me from either of these two things. Perhaps there is some overlap, but that still is no help when it comes to decision making.

I wonder if I will ever again do something in my life that makes me sick with anxious delight. But perhaps I am wrong to derive my aspirations from a pattern of two; that is hardly enough from which to derive a pattern.

At night, whatever holds me back evaporates. I feel I can and must advance these plans, before the day steals back my resolve.

I was walking last night, and thinking, which again, is a bad combination, and I could not think of anything that would be so terrible so long as it was done with just one other thing--comrade, compatriot, whatever. I feel a little strange, sometimes, when I sit a certain way or walk on certain things, because there is nothing to cover the context in which these things are done. There is no fear that seems to be able to manage two servings.

But this thought, also, I must consider a weakness.